Podcast

In this session we address the following reader submitted topics:

• Advice for a woman whose husband just disclosed several affairs that occurred several years ago.
• Should a person disclose the affair to the spouse of the affair partner?
• What actions and/or behaviors by the betrayed spouse worked the best to improve the healing process and engage the cheating spouse more?
• Dealing with the limbo of a spouse continuing his affair and trying to 'figure things out"

In this session Doug and Psychotherapist David Feder discuss one of David's client's situation.

This is a common situation where a betrayed partner ‘accepts’ a situation where the unfaithful partner stonewalls, lies, tells half-truths and refuses to engage in the recovery process.

This is in spite of the fact that the refusal of the unfaithful partner to participate both perpetuates the pain the betrayed partner has experienced and continues to experience, but it also adds to the erosion of the betrayed partner’s self-esteem.

Valentine's Day can be a struggle for many individuals and couples while recovering from infidelity. In this session Doug and David Feder address the best way to "experience" (versus celebrate) the day.

Much of what we talk about can also be applied towards other difficult times such as birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays.

Doug and Psychotherapist David Feder, MSW, RSW, CSAT, EMDR. ring in the New Year by discussing the following topics:

• David discusses a client who recently was able to make an important paradigm shift allowing her to begin to move forward after her husband of 46 years had an affair.
• We delve into handling triggers from the perspective of both the faithful and unfaithful partner.
• Some key shifts the unfaithful person needs be aware of in order to make amends and create change.

Once again, Doug asks some member submitted questions of David Feder, MSW, RSW, CSAT, EMDR.

This month we have 3 main topics which were fairly complex:

• The betrayed spouse refuses to proactively discuss the affair or relationship. Focusing instead on the past relationship issues.
• Fence sitting on the part of the unfaithful spouse - He "doesn't know what he wants..." How to motivate him to "work on things."
• How to deal with an unfaithful spouse who conducts his emotional affair in the presence of his wife, while attempting to keep his options open.

Doug asks some member submitted questions of David Feder, MSW, RSW, CSAT, EMDR.

Topics addressed include:

• A spouse who has had multiple affairs
• Struggling with forgiveness
• How to recover when you can't make sense of what happened?
• When only one spouse is doing any of the recovery work
• Dealing with a spouse who needs time to "decide what to do"

Not every marriage is going to survive infidelity, but many people do not know when to end the relationship and move on. Doug and David Feder talk about when to call it quits.

Some of what was addressed includes:

• What percentage of marriages survive an affair?
• When and why should people separate?
• What tend to be the advantages and disadvantages of separation?
• What about staying together for the kids?
• Should the hurt partner ever use separation or divorce as a way to get their spouse to end an affair?
• More!

Doug once again speaks with psychotherapist and infidelity expert, David Feder. This time though, David is the one asking the questions. This is a follow-up of sorts to last month's audio but deals specifically with Doug's experiences.

Some of what was addressed includes:

• The mindset when Doug made the decision to end the affair and concentrate on the marriage.
• How Linda saying "I'm done" was a strong motivator.
• What changes in thinking did Doug go through?
• The importance of talking about the affair related issues AND being ale to come to some sort of resolution.
• How Doug moved from being defensive to being patient and compassionate.
• More!

Doug once again speaks with psychotherapist and infidelity expert, David Feder.

They discuss:

• What the betrayed spouse can do to motivate the unfaithful person to contribute to the healing efforts.
• What are the effects of guilt and shame on the unfaithful person?
• What about narcissism?
• How imperative it is for the betrayed to focus on themselves.
• More...

Doug once again speaks with psychotherapist and infidelity expert, David Feder. Here are some of the highlights of our discussion:

• The questions that need to be answered in recovery
• The Victim - Perpetrator Model of recovery
• The Dual Perspective Model of Recovery
• Which model is best and why
• David's VISION recovery process
• More...