Is an Affair an Illusion or a Solution?

Only 3% of affairs become committed relationships and, of those, 75% fail. This means there is only a 0.75% chance that an affair will become a long-term relationship. Are those odds you would gamble with?

An affair is often perceived by the participating partner as a solution, but in most cases it is an illusion. There are many reasons why a person decides to be unfaithful and it’s essential that they try to understand why.

The majority of people who cheat say they never intended to leave their spouse. Some don’t think the affair will end their marriage and many believe their spouse will never find out. These beliefs are frequently misplaced because in most cases, the affair is discovered and tremendous pain results. In many cases it is not about their spouse at all but instead a desire by the participating partner to rediscover a part of themselves that they feel they’ve lost over time. There is something about them self that they cannot live without anymore. Remember, this is often what is happening at a subconscious level.

But, if ending a marriage isn’t what the person wants, then why would a person take this enormous risk?

If you or someone you know is having an affair, end it. Do the work so you can be the person you want to be, so you can have the relationship you want to have. Good relationships are built on a foundation of trust, good values, and healthy intimacy. It may take work but it is well worth the effort. Blaming your partner or playing the victim is not going to solve your problems – but taking responsibility for creating the life you want will.

As renowned therapist Esther Perel says:

“Most of us in the West today will have two or three marriages, or committed relationship in our lifetime. For those daring enough to try, they may find themselves having all of them with the same person. An affair may spell the end of the first marriage, as well as the beginning of a new one.” – E. Perel