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If You Are Cheating on Your Partner, You Are Cheating on Yourself!
If you are cheating then you are a master at validating unacceptable behaviour. You have learned tricks and use them to justify poor choices. In addition you keep secrets about your other life, secrets about choices that are hurtful to the people who are closest to...
The Missing Link to Recovering from an Affair
After discovering an affair, chances are that you are in immense pain. For financial or emotional reasons or both, you cannot afford to be in therapy for years figuring out your relationship issues. You need a quicker process that makes a meaningful recovery possible....
A Lesson Learned from a Spouse’s Affair
Recently I met with a man whose wife had an affair that ended several years ago. It was an honour to work with this couple and they made good progress in therapy. In fact, they can teach us an important lesson. In spite of the progress made, every now and then...
Your Heart Can’t Be in Two Places at the Same Time
In my practice I meet with at least one partner each day who is having an affair and struggling with the decision of whether or not to work on their marriage. I typically ask them to describe their confusion and they almost always embark on a similar dialogue in which...
Live Your Life to the Fullest! Why Not?
If you asked anyone whether they’d like to live their life to the fullest, I expect their answer would be an enthusiastic “yes” (mine certainly would be). But sometimes it feels that a lot of people aren’t trying very hard to make it a reality. I was recently exploring...
Esther Perel & The State of Affairs
I recently had the opportunity to attend a one-day conference in Toronto in which the incomparable Esther Perel presented. The topic was “THE STATE OF AFFAIRS: A NEW CLINICAL APPROACH TO INFIDELITY”. The day was provoking and filled with extraordinary insights about...
Is an Affair an Illusion or a Solution?
Only 3% of affairs become committed relationships and, of those, 75% fail. This means there is only a 0.75% chance that an affair will become a long-term relationship. Are those odds you would gamble with? An affair is often perceived by the participating partner as a...
The Problem with Social Media and Connection
With the emphasis that people are putting on social media we are losing the ability to communicate effectively. Staples of every day communication such as intimacy and empathy previously valued are eroding. People who lacked interactive skills were thought to be rare...
Tips for Celebrating During the Holiday Season
Another holiday season is here. Many of us will be celebrating either Christmas or Hanukkah. One holiday representing hope, while the other teaches us that miracles are possible. Many of us look forward to this time of year but after an affair, anticipating time...
Is Someone You Know Having an Affair? Read This Now!
If you, or someone you know is currently in the throes of an affair, READ THIS! What do people think? Do they really believe they can play a cat and mouse game and forever deceive their spouse? How does a person in the grip of an affair convince themselves that...
Family Matters TV: Infidelity (Ep 204)
With the advent of the internet and social networking websites, it has become easier than ever for people to reach out to each other, even to complete strangers. So it is not surprising that marital infidelity has reached epidemic proportions. Of course, when you find...
Your Crystal Ball
Imagine the relationship you would like to have with your partner. Now think about what you would have to do in order to have that relationship and how you would have to act towards your partner to make that relationship happen. You should not be a passive participant...
Keep a Balanced View of Your Partner
Finding out that your partner has had an affair often influences not only the way we feel toward our partner but it also effects the way we think about our partner. “Thought, feeling and action” are connected and the way we think about a person directly impacts the...
Affair-Proof Your Relationship
While there is no known strategy that will guarantee that infidelity will not re-occur there are steps you can take to minimize the probability of it re-occurring. Some of these are provided below: Be sure to to maintain an open door policy with your partner that...
Infidelity: Is the grass REALLY greener?
Involved Partner Infidelity: Is the grass REALLY greener? The numbers speak for themselves and the common beliefs about infidelity are just not true. Some cheaters say they are looking for love, others seek acceptance and others say they want to feel better. Some...
Too Little, Too Late
People who cheat are taking a risk and walking a fine line they frequently take it too far. They believe that time is on their side and they find themselves caught in a web that leads them to a place where they say, “I don’t know what to do”, and they don’t. Many say...
Meditations on Gratitude
“We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.” – taken from Codependent No More Say thank you, until you mean it. Thank G-d, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of...
A Valentine’s Day Warning – Beware!
Read this critical message particularly if you ended your affair and decided to rebuild your relationship...
Follow your dreams... listen to your heart... and obey your passions
These are the words of a wonderful and unassuming man who was a giant among men. His name was Pat Quinn and I am grateful for having known him. Unfortunately he left us on November 23, 2014 but his legacy, his teachings and his passion continue to inspire many of us today...
Balance
by Melody Beattie, Mediation for April 30; from “The Language of Letting Go, Daily Mediations on Codependency”
It is Time to Say, Enough and No More!
Bill Cosby, Jian Ghomeshi and Elliot Spitzer, …three high profile, successful public figures who, if they weren’t known to you before, are known widely now...
Read All About it! The Most Important Boxing Day Ad Ever!
While sitting at the breakfast table this morning, my wife looking at the Boxing Day ads on our IPAD and me the newspaper, a thought came to me that was so compelling that I needed to share it with all you. There we were searching for bargains and I found myself wondering about how our day was going to be spent. I dreaded the long line-ups at check-out, crowded malls, people shoving and spending the day with people I didn’t know. Help!
Which Pair of Glasses Are You Wearing?
When all of our time is spent looking for what is wrong, it prevents us from seeing that which is right. It is humanly impossible to do both at the same time.
Are You Happy with What You Did Today?
What did you do with your day today? When you look back at the past 24 hours, are you satisfied with what you did? Are you proud of how you spent your time? Will you do the same as you did today, tomorrow? And if you did, how would you feel about yourself for doing it?
The Best Expression of Love is Time
In this article I quote an excerpt from “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. In the demanding fast paced world in which we all live the focus is often on productivity and accomplishment, mostly measured through the acquisition of material goods or things...
The Importance and Beauty of “Hope”
As the days of summer fade into the past the fall marks the beginning of an exciting time...
Surviving the First 24 Hours
It is important to recognize that the first days after disclosure of an affair is the most critical. It is indeed, “crazy-making”...
What it Takes to Heal: One of the Essentials
The guidelines that result in a successful recovery follow. People who had an affair must commit to the majority of these guidelines if they are going to be able to help their spouse feel safe enough to give them another chance?
You Had an Affair and You Want Another Chance – Follow These Guidelines
In this article we will focus on the participating partner and the guidelines he or she needs to follow in order to become a “successful rebuilder”...
A Poem Written for Christmas and New Year
I hope you enjoy this poem that I wrote for you, this Christmas and New Year
For You This Christmas….
To Tell and How to Tell (About an Affair)
One of the most challenging and sometimes frightening of all questions surrounding the topic of infidelity is whether the spouse who is having an affair should tell their partner what has happened. Indeed people agonize over this question in fear of the future and the potential outcome for a separation...
The Role of the Brain in a Revolutionary Theory of Why People Have Affairs
A question frequently asked by people who have been hurt by their partner’s affair is, how could this have happened and/or how could you have done this to me? I don’t even know you anymore...
8 Ways to Improve Your Relationship and Your Life
Our life is filled with challenges and each day with the help of radio, tv, newspapers and the internet we learn more and more about what seems to be the dark side of life. Here is a list of things that relate to relationships. Each one will help make the world a better and more civilized place for us all...
An Option to Separation
Infidelity are common in our society yet the options of how to respond to it remains limited. The legal process has mostly been the only response up until now and most have been taught to believe that the only response to infidelity is to separate. I am pleased to announce that it is proven that the legal process is not the only response and another option is available for you to consider.
You Are Responsible for Your Happiness
I have read from other peoples’ works things like “don’t depend on others for your happiness”, and “our complaints about other people are a reflection of disappointments about ourself.”
Should I Tell My Partner That I Cheated?
Affairs are based on dishonesty and if you are going to rebuild your relationship with your committed partner I advise you to rebuild your relationship on a foundation of honesty. That means you should tell your partner about your secret life. In my view, if you don’t share that information about your secret, or hidden past you are simply continuing the lie...
Thinking About Telling Your Spouse/Partner About Your Affair? Read This First
You’ve been cheating on your spouse and you don’t know what to do?
Infidelity is Not a Journey You Should Travel Alone
Infidelity is one of the most challenging of life’s experiences that one can have within the context of a committed relationship. For most, infidelity is traumatic and you may find that you experience emotions such as confusion, anger, rejection and abandonment...
Disclosing Your Affair to Your Partner
In Private Lies, Dr. Frank Pittman states “there is a lot of nonsense in the popular…