If you are cheating then you are a master at validating unacceptable behaviour. You have learned tricks and use them to justify poor choices. In addition you keep secrets about your other life, secrets about choices that are hurtful to the people who are closest to you.
If you want to change you must become intolerant of the part of yourself that allows you to make choices that decimate wedding vows and the commitments that you’ve made to others. You must realize that you are no more entitled than the next person, and that entitlement is one of your biggest enemies. Look at yourself and look at what you are doing and find the courage to accept that there is a part of you that contradicts your personal value system and grants you permission to wilfully hurt others even though we tell ourselves that that was not our intention.
There is no way to justify what you are doing regardless of how hard try to convince yourself otherwise. There’s no way to right a wrong committed against another person, let alone someone you either once loved or still love. When you betray someone you love you rob that person of something they can never get back: their innocence.
I’ve heard thousands of people tell countless stories that all translate into nothing more than efforts to say that what they are doing is okay. But at the end of the day, if you examine yourself honestly and with humility, look at your behaviour objectively and unemotionally, you will probably be disappointed because what you will see is your darker side. It is seldom about who the other person is. Instead the choice you made is either a result of a part of you that needs to be healed, or a relationship that requires an immediate and much needed adjustment.
These may be hard words for you to hear. In fact, right now you may be considering clicking on the exit button. But if you “exit” then you will do what you do every time you spend time with your affair partner, visit your favourite x-rated bar, order another lap dance, or waste your precious time fixated on pornography… you will escape into a world of delusion.
If you want to change then you have to stop hiding from yourself. If you want to simplify your complicated life then become intolerant of it, stop lying, and choose to live a life that is rooted in authenticity. If you want to rid yourself of the toxicity in your life then make choices that you can be proud of instead of making choices that hurt and degrade others (as well as yourself).
Deception and lying is never okay. NOW is your opportunity. When you play these kind of tricks the joke is and will always be on you. The good times never last forever! It doesn’t matter how good you are in other aspects of your life. By cheating, you are hurting the people you love whether or not they know what you are doing or they see you in the act.
At this very moment you are not feeling good because you are living a duplicitous life. You are deceiving someone who is in the dark and who believes they can trust you completely and unconditionally. But they shouldn’t, should they?
This is your time if you accept this opportunity to change. You probably wanted to before but until now didn’t know how. This is your moment if you choose to change. I hope you will.