Surviving the First 24 Hours

It is important to recognize that the first days after disclosure of an affair is the most critical. It is indeed, “crazy-making”. No thought that you may have should be dismissed as wrong or silly, so do not be embarrassed by your thoughts and feelings for they represent your way of coping with what is, a devastating blow to your sense of safety, self-esteem and well-being.

The first 24 hours is the time to take care of yourself, to validate your thoughts/feelings, as well as a time to do what you need to do to care for yourself. You are important! After disclosure you are most likely the most vulnerable to depression, suicidal ideation, thoughts of revenge and/or suicide. If you feel either suicidal or homicidal do not minimize your feelings. TELL SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU AND/SEEK THE ASSISTANCE OF A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL OR MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IMMEDIATELY BY GOING TO THE EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT OF YOUR NEAREST HOSPITAL!

Survival Guide

This “Survival Guide” is divided into three (3) clusters.

Self-Care

• avoid consumption of coffee
• avoid consumption of alcohol
• eat regularly and properly. If you do not have an appetite eat small amounts of food several times daily
• maintain, as much as is possible normal sleep patterns and daily habits
• exercise regularly. A regular walk in your neighbourhood will help to burn off excess stress
• do at least one nice, comforting thing for yourself each day (bubble bath, meditation, prayer, etc.)
• keep a journal of your feelings and thoughts
  
  

Environmental Support

• even though your natural tendency may be to want to be alone, do not give in to this urge. DO NOT BE ALONE
• tell those closest to you that you are going through a difficult time. There is no need to say more than what you are comfortable telling
• tell those who are least likely to be judgmental of either you, or your spouse. This is important, particularly if you and your partner decide to work on “saving your relationship” through counseling
• develop a “safety plan” that includes those people you can call when you need support at any time of the day or night
  
  

Other Supports

• spiritual support (rabbi, minister, priest, Imam)
• professional support
• relaxation
• pilates, yoga, meditation
• creative expresion (art, pottery)
• sports