A Valentine’s Day Warning – Beware!
Read this critical message particularly if you ended your affair and decided to rebuild your relationship.
Yesterday as another day of counselling drew to a close a thought came to mind that I have to share with you. Since Valentine’s Day is only a couple of days away there isn’t a moment to lose.
My day ended and Valentine’s Day came to mind along with images of what most people think about, chocolates, flowers and couples in love. I usually make similar associations. However on this occasion my thought was of something much more dangerous, particularly to couples who are working towards rebuilding after an affair and who’s goal is to stay together.
Valentine’s Day is all about reaching out, staying connected and spending special time with a special person, your spouse. How special when this is done with the person to whom you have committed to making a life with. However when this happens with an ex-affair partner, bad things can happen… so BEWARE!
I never thought about it before but while Valentine’s Day is intended to be both a celebration of love, as well as a recommitment of one’s love to their partner. Valentine’s Day after an affair however, can be a minefield.
If you had an affair and you ended it (particularly for those of you who just ended an affair) my advice is to be careful. If you are working on your marriage you do not want anything to jeopardize what you have decided to do. However Valentine’s Day can be a hard time for ex-affair partners who are feeling lonely and who may be longing for the feelings they experienced during the affair.
If this happens the ex-affair partner may feel desperate and they may make an effort to reach out and connect with you. This may appear innocent at first, but it may be a manipulative gesture that is intended to draw you back in. My advice is to RESIST, RESIST, RESIST.
It takes time to get over an affair and you may not be fully over yours and if so, this will make you vulnerable. Replying to your ex-affair partner could be dangerous to the rebuilding of your marriage as well as devastating to your partner.
Don’t be surprised if you get a call and don’t be shocked if you receive a text message from your ex-affair partner but have a plan in place as to what you will do if this happens. It may never happen and I sincerely hope that it doesn’t but it is best that you are prepared.
A few recommendations for you to think about are:
- Review and be mindful of your goal of rebuilding and recommitting to your partner
- Speak with your committed wife/husband in advance about what would happen if the ex-affair partner attempts to contact the former participating partner
- Respect and honour your plan plan
- Block the ex-partner’s telephone number and email address on your device
- Do not respond to any text message, email, i-message, etc from your ex-affair partner
Avoid engagement of any kind with your ex-affair partner. You had a compelling reason to make your affair partner, an ex and my advice is to keep it that way. Focus all of your attention onto the person you are rebuilding with and make new, wonderful memories together.
Happy Valentine’s Day