Another holiday season is here.  Many of us will be celebrating either Christmas or Hanukkah.  One holiday representing hope, while the other teaches us that miracles are possible.  Many of us look forward to this time of year but after an affair, anticipating time spent with extended family and friends can change.  What do we do?

Infidelity changes lives.  Fortunately, with good therapy provided by someone who understands the impact, recovery is possible.  However, the journey to recovery has its’ challenges and holiday times can be difficult emotionally.

I hope you will find the following list of tips for the holiday season helpful,  as you prepare for this special time of year.  Here are a few of my ideas:

  1. Surround yourself with people who love you, are willing to be there for you and who won’t judge you;
  2. If you are working on your marriage, be mindful that of all the places you and your spouse can be, you both decided to be together today;
  3. Manage your expectations properly.  Do what feels right for you and don’t feel as though you need to meet the expectations of others.  Only do what you can reasonably do;
  4. Know what you need for the holiday season and prepare for it.  Let others who love you, know what that is, so they can support you. They can’t support you if they don’t know;
  5. Write a GRATITUDE LIST of things and people in your life that you are grateful for;
  6. Take a few minutes every morning and just before bed to read your list and reflect;
  7. Remember what the holiday season means to you and has always meant to you.  Remember all of the good and special times spent in previous years.  Picture these in your mind, smell the delicious smells, see the memorable sights, hear the beautiful sounds and so on.  Use all of your 5 senses to remember and enjoy those memories. Now, think of how you can “safely” replicate those beautiful feelings and memories today with those you are celebrating with.  Think of the type of holiday season you want to give to your children this year.  Stay focused and do it.  You will feel rewarded and good.
  8. If you are reminded of your current struggle, don’t despair.  You might even expect it as your mind travels between positive and negative thoughts.  It is natural.  If this happens, honour your feelings and don’t worry, because they will pass.  What happened in the past cannot hurt you anymore. Acknowledge them, consider sharing them with your partner or journal if that will help, and then let them go.
  9. Try to be in the present as much as you can, so that you can enjoy this holiday season.
  10. Take care of yourself by doing nice things for yourself and by allowing others who are within your inner circle to do nice things for you.  You deserve this!
  11. Accept any gift that you will receive in the manner it was given.  Do not overthink this gesture (even from your spouse/partner).  You are worth it!
  12. Know what you want this holiday season to be like and use your power to make it your reality. This is a time to make new memories and use your power to make that happen.

I wish you the very best during Christmas and Hanukkah.   May 2017 be a year of kindness, healing, health and wondrous miracles for you and your loved ones.

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